Five Different, One The Same
by Adrian Kyle
Summary: I made five scenes that were really, really close to being really, really romantic but weren't into five romantic scenes, then put in one scene that they couldn't have made any more romantic if they had tried. Kirk/Spock. R&R, please.


I made five scenes in which the writers could have done something really slashy but didn't into five really slashy scenes. Then, I put in one scene that could not possibly have been any slashier if they had tried.

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**5—_ The Enemy Within_ (Season 1, Episode 5)**

"Yes, Mr. Spock, what is it?" asked Kirk, assuming his most seductive face as Spock stepped into his quarters. He had just woken up from a nap, and had been in the process of changing his shirt when the buzzer sounded. Spock seemed initially surprised by the sight of the captain's bare chest, but took it in stride. Kirk, interpreting this as a good sign, decided to leave his shirt off.

"Is there something I can do for you, Captain?"

There was an odd question. "Like what?" asked Kirk.

"…Well, Doctor McCoy seemed to think that I should check on you."

Perhaps there was more to Spock's unsure expression than Kirk's shirtlessness. "That's nice," he said in an uncharacteristically soft voice. When Spock looked even more hesitant, Kirk said, "Come on, Spock, I know that look. What is it?"

"Well, our good Doctor said that you were acting like…a wild man, and demanded brandy." Spock looked concerned, confused, and slightly frightened.

Kirk laughed. "Our good Doctor has been putting you on again."

"Hmm." Spock's uncertainty disappeared. He was plainly irritated. "Well, in that case, if you'll excuse the intrusion, Captain, I'll get back to my work."

"I'll tell him you were properly annoyed."

"Captain," Spock acknowledged as a means of saying goodbye. He turned to leave the room.

"As a matter of fact, Mr. Spock," said Kirk as Spock was just on the verge of walking out the door, "perhaps there _is_ something you can do." Spock stopped and turned around, looking more uncertain than ever. Kirk moved forwards, closing the space between them in two slow strides. Although they were still at least two feet away from each other, Kirk could have sworn he felt Spock's temperature rising. He could tell that his first officer was growing even more conscious of Kirk's bare chest—Spock was blatantly trying not to look. In fact, he wasn't even looking at Kirk. A slight greenish tinge appeared on his face as he stood in front of his captain and tried desperately to maintain an attitude of professionalism. Kirk, on the other hand, was staring straight at Spock's face. They stood absolutely still for a moment. Finally, Spock caved and looked at the Captain. He seemed to have forgotten his previous frustration. There was a familiar twinkle in his eyes as he spoke.

"What is it, Captain?"

"It's…it's a _personal_ matter. Does that bother you, Mr. Spock?"

"Not at all, Captain."

Kirk reached behind Spock and touched the door controls, shutting and locking the door. "In that case, then," he said, pulling Spock towards him, "let's not waste any time."

Maybe McCoy was right, Spock decided. Maybe there was something odd about the Captain's behavior. Unlike the Doctor, however, Spock decided he found the changes quite agreeable.

**4— _Amok Time_ (Season 2, Episode 1)**

Kirk and Spock were facing each other over Spock's desk. Kirk was looking at Spock intently. Spock was looking at his hands, which were in his lap and holding a datapad.

"McCoy has given me his evaluation of your condition—he says you're going to _die_…" At this, Spock looked up quickly, "…unless something is done. What?"

Spock looked down at his hands, apparently trying to think of a way out of this that didn't involve telling Kirk the truth.

"Is it something only your _planet_ can do for you?"

Spock twitched at the Captain's words, but he tried to pretend that he had only been moving to put the stylus he was holding down on the desk. As Spock did so, Kirk grabbed his hand. Spock started shaking. Kirk looked up at Spock's face, concerned.

Spock, losing himself to his impulses, ripped his hand free and launched himself over the desk. He tackled Kirk to the floor, knocking the wind out of him. "_Spock_," breathed the Captain, having a hard time talking with the Vulcan's weight on his chest, "What is going _on_?"

Spock, momentarily regaining control of himself, pulled away for a moment, looking at the captain with a very sorry expression on his face. "Vulcan must…do this…once every seven years. If a Vulcan is unable to reach his or her spouse, they…seek a viable alternative."

"And when I touched you…"

"Admittedly, our hands are very…sensitive…but Jim…that wasn't…" Spock was having a hard time remaining coherent. He shook his head, refusing to meet Kirk's eyes. "Something in me had decided on you anyway. I tried to stop it."

Kirk laughed. "Spock," he said, "I wish you had told me what you needed in the first place. I would have been…" he laughed, "…more than happy to help."

Spock's eyes widened.

There was no more talking after that.

**3— _Plato's Stepchildren_ (Season 3, Episode 10)**

Parmen frowned at his four captives. He had been about to force them to act out a romantic scene for him and his people, but something about what he was about to make them do didn't seem right. He looked at Kirk and Uhura, who were positioned awkwardly so that their faces were practically touching. He looked over at Spock and Chapel, who were similarly situated. He forced Spock and Kirk to switch places, so that Kirk was now leaning over Chapel and Spock over Uhura. No, Parmen decided, that was even worse. He furrowed his brow and was about to switch everyone back to their original positions when it hit him. He knew how to create the best display.

Parmen forced Spock and Chapel to switch places so that Uhura and Chapel were pushed together, as were Kirk and Spock. As the two pairs of heard grew closer and closer together, Parmen smiled to himself. That was better.

**2—Sarek's visit (_The Search for Spock_)**

"I will speak with you alone, Kirk."

The words had been delivered coldly, even by Sarek's usual standards. Kirk felt a chill run through his body. _Does he blame me for what happened to Spock?_ he wondered. Sarek's words had been filled with thinly veiled anger, and in Kirk's cynical state Sarek had seemed almost deranged. He was desperately holding on to a shred of what Kirk thought to be false hope that there was something to be done for his dead son. Kirk wished Spock could have been there to see his father's almost wild face. Sarek and Spock had never gotten along, but in that moment Sarek had revealed to Kirk just how deeply he had truly loved his son despite it all.

"Sir," said Kirk, "Your son meant more to me than you can know." Kirk knew that Sarek might take this as an insult. Half of him wished he would. Sarek had never approved of Spock, and had never approved of his relationship with Kirk. But how dare Sarek question Kirk's commitment to Spock? Kirk would have done anything for Spock. He would have gone to the ends of the universe and back to save him. Kirk knew that Sarek knew what it meant to love, but in that moment, as illogical as the sentiment was, he wanted to make someone hurt. "I would have given my life if it would have saved his. Believe me when I tell you—he made no request of me." _Take that, Sarek_, Kirk thought.

"May I join your mind?" Sarek's request startled Kirk. Mind-melding was a very intimate practice. Maybe there really was something that Kirk did not know.

At the very least, if Sarek was given access to Kirk's thoughts right now he would never question Kirk and Spock's love again. _Not like it's relevant anymore_, Kirk reflected bitterly.

Sarek's initial probes into Kirk's mind were tentative. He called up recent events only—the battle with Khan, the Genesis cave, the scene in the engine room…it was here that he stopped, drinking in the details. Kirk was forced to recall his sadness, his frustration, his inability to do anything but watch as the love of his life collapsed behind the barrier. Spock was so close and yet so untouchable, although Kirk in his despair was pressed against the wall as though he thought that if he pushed hard enough, he would be strong enough to go through, to rescue Spock.

This memory brought up a flood of others. They flashed through Kirk's mind too quickly for him to get a good look at them. It was as if Sarek was flipping through them, trying to understand the larger picture by glancing at all of the little pieces. There was the first time Spock had ever seen snow while not on duty, the day that Kirk and Spock moved into their shared apartment in San Francisco after their second five-year mission, the first time they had played chess. Sadness was filling up Kirk's chest. Never again would he find anything like that. Only one person in a thousand found something like that. He and Spock almost never argued, and when they did neither of them was really angry at the other. They understood each other completely.

When Sarek withdrew his hand, Kirk felt as if he had lost Spock all over again. "Forgive me," Sarek said, eyes shining because of the emotions Kirk had transferred over their bond, "I assumed that he had mind-melded with you."

Kirk could not summon the energy to be angry. "We were separated. He could not touch me," he whispered, tears rising in his eyes.

"I see. Then everything he was, everything he knew, was lost."

Kirk hadn't been sure what he should have expected to feel over his and Spock's bond now that Spock was dead, and he hadn't explored that part of himself too extensively. It was just too painful. But there was something there, of that he was certain. His mind did not feel like something had been ripped from it—it felt like there was something tugging, straining, pulling at the edges. The line wasn't completely dead. "Please wait," he said, "He would have found a way, if there was that much at stake. I know your son. Spock would have found a way." Kirk, who was trying not to hope _too_ much, noticed he had accidentally referred to Spock in the present tense. If Sarek had noticed anything, however, he didn't let it show.

"Sarek?" Kirk said as Sarek paused, "I just thought…I need to…Look, I know that you don't necessarily approve of me, but you need to know—I loved Spock. I loved him like I never knew I could love before I met him. And if there is anything I can do to get him back, I will do it. I know you don't feel—uh—_think_ that I was a logical choice on Spock's part, but…" he paused, "…at risk of sounding self-righteous, I was. I don't need you to accept that, but I would like it if you understood."

Sarek inclined his head. "I understand," he said solemnly.

**1—The camping trip (_The Final Frontier_)**

Leonard McCoy had been intending to spend his shore leave at Yosemite National Park with Jim and Spock, but at the last minute he decided not to go.

"Everything's _fine_," he assured his friends, "I'm just going to visit Joanna instead."

Truth be told, it was always a little awkward when he went on trips with those two. No matter how hard they tried to make him feel like a welcome friend, he always wound up feeling like a third wheel. And since Spock had come back, there had been a degree of awkwardness between the two, as if they had to get to know each other all over again. Spock was regaining his memory fast, but things weren't quite the same yet. McCoy _definitely_ didn't want to be dragged along if he was going to be used as an excuse for Jim and Spock not to work out their problems.

So he turned down the invitation. "And anyway," he said, "with the two of you around, how am I supposed to get my rest?"

Jim grinned. "So you're visiting your daughter instead, Bones?" he said, "Don't you think that's worse? She's young and full of energy. We're old farts."

"It is inaccurate to compare me to a noxious gas," said Spock as jokingly as he knew how to, "And if I know you at all, Captain, you will most likely not be expending any less energy than Joanna."

"Spock. We aren't on duty. Call me Jim. In fact, call me Jim even if we are on duty."

"Apologies, Jim."

"No problem. And Spock," said Jim, grinning wickedly, "if I have my way, you won't be getting much rest either."

Spock's ears turned green. "I find your illogical proposition of exertion during what is supposed to be our rest period oddly appealing."

McCoy, in keeping with tradition, smacked himself in the face at Jim and Spock's blatant innuendos. "My god, can you two get a room?" he said. Secretly, however, he was pleased—things were _definitely_ returning to normal.

**And, the scene that could not have been any more slashy if they had tried—the end of _A Taste of Armageddon_ (Season 1, Episode 23)**

"War is messy business. Very, very messy business. I had a feeling," said Captain Kirk, looking around the bridge with a pensive expression on his face, "that they would do anything to avoid it, even talk peace!" His words were followed by a small smile.

"A _feeling_ is not much to go on," said Spock skeptically, raising his eyebrows as he spoke.

"Sometimes a feeling, Mr. Spock, is all we humans have to go on," said Kirk. His gaze, which previously hadn't been fixed on anything in particular, was now glued to Spock. There was a strange light in Kirk's eyes as he gazed at his first officer.

"Captain," said Spock admiringly, "You almost make me believe in luck."

The Captain was now undeniably staring googly-eyed at Spock. "Why Mr. Spock," he said, breaking into that upside-down smile that no one but his first officer ever seemed to be on the receiving end of, "you almost make me believe in miracles."

Kirk was too busy staring at Spock to notice that McCoy, Scotty, and Uhura were exchanging significant looks.

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That last scene is possibly my favorite Kirk/Spock moment ever. It was the moment that made me say to myself "This CAN'T all be an accident." Somehow, I missed the backrub scene.

Ok, yes, I added the part at the end. But we never _do _get to see their reactions...


End file.
